John Pilgrim: I’m in my second childhood, so what’s the plan?

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Since I was recently informed that I seemed to be entering my second childhood I have decided to enjoy myself.

I am going to enjoy screaming at the top of voice in public places particularly in supermarkets for a start.

This screaming phenomenon is quite a new thing, mainly because if I had tried it as a kid I would have been ignored or received a clip round the ear or both.

So I am going to try it out along with asking for literally everything I see on the shop shelves.

When I am asked what I want for my birthday or Christmas I will turn down the idea of a cardigan, a tie or socks and hankies and choose something useless but well over £100 in price.

I will grow up without saying ‘please’, ‘thank you’ or ‘excuse me’ and definitely not give up my seat on a bus or hold a door open for anyone either infirm or elderly.

If I can I will persuade my parents to send me to a good public school and make sure that I somehow get into Cambridge or Oxford where I can meet people who will be useful to me in later life. I won’t bother too much about a real job but I will make sure that I know plenty of MPs and other public figures so that I can use their name on my business card.

Come to that I might try a job at the BBC but only if they move back from Manchester. Who wants to live up North?

I might even become Prime Minister so that I can run the country for a while and then after that make some real money doing tours of the world and talking about being a Prime Minister.

All the good experience I gain over the years will naturally equip me to become a writer so that I can tell everyone how difficult life can be but that, if we all stick together, we can all come out the other end with the same result!

Come to think of it I don’t think I will bother with all that.

Being in your second childhood could mean just offering a knowing smile that says “I’ve seen and heard it all before” and getting on with your jigsaw puzzle – now that really would be fun!